Last Day

Every story has an end. But in life, every ending is just a new beginning. 

Time flies so fast that we haven't noticed it's already been the 365th day today. 

All throughout the year, I thank God for giving me the chance to fulfill my dream and to experience life alone. 2015 gave me all the adventures I could ever asked for.  But, it's time to say goodbye.. :( 

2015. This year, God has given me a wonderful experience which I never expected to come. Thank you Oh God for giving such a blessing and thank you for making me believe that dreams do come true. I have so much in mind right now that I can't think anymore what to write. All I know is Thank you and to all the people I have hurt, please forgive me. To all the people I made a promise yet until now I wasn't able to fulfill it, please forgive me as well. I'll be able to give what you deserved soon. To my mama and papa, you both are great blessings God could ever give. I really really thank Him for giving you as my ma and pa.

Mama, I'm sorry for the past years that I have given you so many heartaches and burdens. I'm sorry for being such a hard headed human but I want you to know that I love you so much and that thank you for supporting me all the way. Being away from you is always been hard for you, I know that. But sometimes ma, It's for the good of everybody. It's not that I will be away forever. Just don't miss me too much because you know how much I am emotionally vulnerable each time I see you cry. Papa my everdearest. They know how much I am such a papa's gurl. It can't be hide. I remember the time when you first knew that I will be leaving home soon, you gave all your best to convince me that it was fake, Heheh. But until such time, maybe God made a way to let you realize that It wasn't, and that you are not dreaming, you supported me even if it will hurt you if I go away. Thank you Pang for everything.  I love you Both! 

To my Only Love Let destiny find its way for us to be together. I never expected anything but you came and accepted me for who I am. We may not be able to hold each other today, but I want you to know that you have my back. I support you in everything you wanna do. Take time, have fun and hoping to see you soon. 

 

to my new family here in KSA, Female Ward, my start has never been easy for you and for me. I have things that only I understand and sometimes, you tend to misunderstood. But as time goes by, I saw myself being with you as my family and friends. We all are away from our families and we were the only one who could defend, love and care for each other. Thank you for being mean, caring, bully, loving and most especially protecting me for everything. I am blessed that I came to this place and have met all of you. We still have a lot to learn about each other and hoping for the great friendship in the future.

 Ate Tin, my roommate and who served as my elder sister. Ate tin, more blessings and life to come for both of us. I remember the first time I came here and you were always there waiting for me to stop crying and offer me food even if we really don't have food to eat. And I hope, sabay tayong aalis.  More joys and laughter ahead of us!  More chickas and spending special occasions together, hehe. Kawawa naman tayo. Thank you for taking care of me always. ^_^

For Everyone We don't get a chance to do that many things, and everyone should be really excellent. Because this is our life. Life is brief and then you die, you know? So, it better be damn good. It better be worth it. And as I always say, if you let fear rules your life, you'll never have the chance to do the things to want to do. So don't be afraid to take a leap of faith. Coz until you spread your wings, you will have no idea how far you can fly. 

2016. Here I come! Please bring happiness and joy to our lives, Please be good to us. Make our everyday, beautiful. :) 

Regards,

Bujun

A Toxic Verbal Environment

Like I said on my previous articles, living on the different side of the earth is fairly amusing. But having a job is quite different. Pretty much outlandish.

I started working here as a military nurse, nine months ago. And within those months, I have experience and witnessed utterly a lot of good and bad things being on it..

Of course, aside from considering the fact that you are just an expat, you must obey all the laws and must be very careful on everything you do. You must have to adapt their culture and language as fast as you can for you to be able to continue to function and prosper. Most especially when you are working as a Nurse.

But one thing bothers me most. It's how some of these people treat nurses unprofessionally. They are literally verbally abusive. 

But first let me define you what a nurse is. 

nurse¹

nəːs/

noun

noun: nurse; plural noun: nurses

1.

a person trained to care for the sick or infirm, especially in a hospital.

"a team of doctors and nurses"

All we do is take care of sick people but what have we gotten? 

I know, I don't have the right to complain but we nurses have opportunities that are rare in other professions. The benefits which we received are not easily measured not are they limited to our paychecks and employers benefit packages.

But isn't just unfair how you treat us? When you speak, you speak awfully as if you are talking to an uneducated person. We are also humans. You say we are not doing our job, you keep on ordering and demanding precisely a lot of things, always telling nurses that we are wrong, you refused to talk and acknowledge us. you are judging and criticizing and makes us erode our confidence and many many more things.

This job isn't as easy and distressful as you may think. You truly have no idea what nurses do. 

 But I don't want to stereotype. There are still those people who appreciate nurses. Those were the kind of people who truly knows a nurse job. And sometimes when seeing a nurse is on too much stress, some will give refreshments to lighten up the burden. (I love those kind of people. It makes me smile whenever I remember some of them. ) And of course, a single thank you is enough to embrace the stress with joy and laughter. 

Stick and stones may break my bones but words can also hurt. Stick and stones break only skin while words are ghost that haunts. Pain from words has left its scar on mind and heart that's tender. Cuts and bruises are getting healed its words that I remember.

In the future, I wonder if all nurses could withstand these kind of mistreatment. Well I guess, I just hope and pray that God will make a way.

Hello Cold Days!

Yeah. I probably have  the most superficial happiness in the world. For 25 years, I lived on a tropical country and being away from it and living on a different side of the earth, is quiet amusing. 

Please forgive me but I can't help but be delighted on this wonderful season here in Saudi Arabia. Even before, I know for the fact that this country has only two seasons. The scorching heat  of Summer and the naked trees and frosted leaves of Winter.  

The walk in the cold winter day seemed brisk and refreshing as the shivering powdery ice-cold breeze gently kissed my cheeks and frozed. Here and there were squares of warm yellow light where perhaps families enjoyed hot cups of cocoa as they watched movies or gazed into the flickering flames of the fireplace. I walked on. The wind tossed with more force against my face, but it didn't deter me. Within a few minutes, the playful, frisky wind turned into a snarling beast hurling tiny pellets of pain at my stinging cheeks. I turned for home. The coat, hat and gloves that had seemed so warm when I had left home now gave no resistance to the roaring beast seeking to kill me with breath of wind and ice. My numbing feet slipped and slide on the treacherous pellets mounting a sidewalk attack. Excitement mixed with fear propelled me on towards home. Home where I could shut the door on the howling beast of winter. 

 But you know what's the best thing in Winter? Its when you're with your family and friends. 

These kind of people would make your winter enjoyable and unforgettable. 

HAVE A NICE COLD DAYS EVERYONE! ^_^

Dreams do Come True: A Story of Success with Shiela May De Lara

Sometimes, when we want something especially when we want it bad enough, it's a natural thing that we do everything just to achieved it. But most of the time when we don't get it, we tend to feel like the world is unfair and then we gravitate to lose our deepest hope. 

But we never realized that some things are not meant to be. That sometimes, some prayers are not yet ready to be answered. And that everything has its perfect time and to always, always never give up on dreams. 

Just like this one friend of mine. She's one great example that dreams do come true. 

That you should never have to lose your faith, for your dream. And it was her American dream. The dream that she have waited long enough to become a reality. 

And at last, after a long time of her wishful thinking, she embraced her approved immigrant visa with open arms and a wave of joy and laughter. 

And now, she can finally say "Aloha!"

Ate Shei,

When I first met you I never thought you'd have a special place in my life. You've been unexpectedly good, caring and truly an amazing friend and at the same time an ate that I will surely treasure and will be missed for lifetime. Even though we just became friends for a short period of time, (8months) at least I can say I am proud to be your friend. 

As what people say, you hardly find true friends here abroad. And I am pleased to say that You're one of the greatest true people I have ever met. Thank you ate for the motivation, friendship and love. 

You're indeed a great ate to me and I know and absolutely happy knowing that your dream of being with the one you love is finally coming true. I hope and pray that we will still see each other someday. 

Thank you for being you and for making me smile when I'm on deep thoughts. I will missed your smile, your simply being you. And I want you to know that you maybe out of my sight but never out of my mind. You know, goodbyes are not forever. Goodbyes are not the end. They simply means I'll miss you and until we meet again. 

You're one heck coolest people I have ever met and May GOD bless you and protect you wherever your destiny takes you. Always pray and always keep the faith. 

Love you ate Shei and I will miss you..soo much. :) Take this as my goodbye letter because I dunno If I can still able to tell it to you personally most especially with the maasalama.. 

THANK YOU ate Sheila and GOD BLESS YOU! 

Yours Truly,

Bujun 

Divergent Paths

We all have been placed on this earth to discover our own path and we will never be happy if we live someone else's idea of life.

Just like me. I admit. For the past ten years of my life, I felt that Ive always been a helpless human being. And then when the time came that I became an unemployed nurse, the feelings I felt from the past grew stronger. The feeling when you don't know where you belong. The feeling when until now, you are still on the process of figuring out where and what you want to be. The feeling when you're sad and you have no idea why. But you just are. In short, I was miserable. 

So, this one old friend of mine came into my life one day and introduced me to another path, to become like her. She was also a registered nurse but she chose another track and became an entrepreneur. How the way she talks and handles everything made my perception of life become wider and I told myself, "Yeah, why not?"

But since we talked about business, of course money involves in it. She was a businesswoman of a well known, tested and proven product known internationally. I admit, I was a little bit insecure of what she has gotten and its obvious on her looks and the way she talks that she was really going well on being on business. She told me a lot of amazing things about the product and literally, I really wanted to take the opportunity. 

But since I was unemployed, straightforwardly, I don't have any peso on my account. Obviously she told me all the captivating words she has in mind just to get me fascinated about what she's in. She asked me to borrow money from anyone (for the capital) and she was confident and guaranteed that I can able to pay it within a month. So I joked and asked her "So, I'll just borrow from you then since you just said I can pay it within a month." But she just laughed. She said, If I become like her, my life would change and I could be happy and rich as her.

I spent days of thinking of her proposal. At the end of the day, I realized why am I induced to be like her? So I called her that day and told her that I can't do any business since aside from no starting money, I still want to work as a nurse. I was a bit disappointed because I was expecting her to say "Alright, I understand I respect you" you know something like that but unfortunately, it was the other way around. She told me I will never be successful on being just a nurse. On being on our profession. Being in the business is the fastest and easy way to be successful.She told me to stop being a nurse and be a businesswoman. 

I thought to myself, I can't believe that some people are too narrow-minded to the things they only believe. It's true that being on the business is one way of getting your life better or whatever. But the reason why I chose my profession is because I really wanted and loved it. I believed that that's I was destined to be. I love taking care of people. Though, my salary is not high enough compared to her, but I am happy. 

She maybe a nurse by profession but being on the business maybe her destination. She is successful, I believe. And me? I am always successful. Because I am happy and contented. 

People take different roads seeking fulfillment and happiness. Just because I'm not on her road, doesn't mean I've gotten lost.

Finn

Some of you might not know this handsome young actor (unless you were a glee lover)  known for his role as Finn Hudson on the Fox television series Glee. 

I was never a glee lover until this man showed up on the first season where he sang his heart's out on a shower singing can't fight this feeling. Until then, I find him adorable and cute and so that's how I started loving glee. 

Finn Hudson known as Cory Allan Michael Monteith is a Canadian actor and musician who particularly loves playing the drums. He began his acting career in Canada where he played minor roles on some successful movies such as Final Destination 3, Whisper and Deck in the Halls. 

Until in 2009, he was cast in the Fox series Glee where he portrayed Finn Hudson who is the star quarterback of his high school football team and risks alienation from his friends by joining the school's glee club. He was a popular jock at the top of the school's social hierarchy, but when forced to join the glee club, he finds he loves it. His storylines have seen him struggle with his decision to stay in the club, which is the bottom of the social ladder while he maintains his popular reputation and the respect of the other jocks. His character must deal with the attraction to both head cheerleader Quinn Fabray (Diana Agron) and glee club star singer Rachel Berry (Lea Michele)  on which in the later end, proceeded a relationship and soon to be married to his co-star Rachel Berry. 

Until a devastating news suddenly came out on July 13 , 2013 that he was found dead in his room at the Fairmont Pacific Rim hotel in Vancouver. He had been scheduled to check out that day following a seven-night stay, but when he failed to do so, hotel staff entered his room and discovered his body around noon. The Vancouver Police Department stated that the cause of death was not immediately apparent, but ruled out foul play. An autopsy was completed by the BC Coroners Service on July 15. The preliminary autopsy report stated that Finn died from a mixed drug toxicity consisting of heroin and alcohol and that his death appeared to have been accidental. The coroner noted that Finn had experienced intermittent periods of drug abuse and abstinence throughout his life and that after a period of cessation from opioid drug use, a previously tolerated drug concentration level may become toxic and fatal. 

 

It was heartbreaking knowing I can never see Finn ever again. He was an ultimate idol and crush for ever. I will never see his deep, charming dimples and I can never see him being happy with Rachel Berry. We were never friends, he doesn't even know I exist but one thing is for sure. He will always be my forever Finn Hudson and will always be here in my heart as I can. 

Fin now Finn. 

Lovelots. 

You're number One Fan. 

Minjee

Halloween 2015

 Halloween or Hallowe-en is a kind of celebration observed in a number of countries on every 31st of October, the eve of all Hallows' Day (the time in the liturgical year dedicated to remembering the dead, including saints (hallow), martyrs and all the faithful departed. 

Activities includes trick or treating, attending Halloween costume parties , decorating, carving pumpkins, lighting bonfires, apple bobbing, fortune-telling games, playing pranks, visiting haunted attractions, telling scary stories and watching horror films. 

 At Halloween, yards, public spaces, and some houses may be decorated with traditionally macabre symbols including witches, skeletons, ghosts, cobwebs, and headstones.

 The annual Greenwich Village Halloween Parade in New York City 

is the world's largest Halloween parade.

 KSA friends' version of Halloween party.

But then, I grew up not knowing anything about halloween since were not used to celebrate this kind of occasion. and up until today, I still don't. 

Yet still, HAPPY HALLOWEEN to those who celebrates it All Over the World! 

Peace. :-*

I'm Not Sorry

Let's be honest - you don't like me because you don't like yourself. I've never done anything to hurt you or to make your life worst. Becoz If i did, I could understand hating me. But since the only reason you have is that you don't like who I am, or the choices I make; I'm left to realize that it's something in me that reminds me of something about yourself you don't like. And I'm not sorry.

Ever since I came here, there's this one human being who keeps getting on my nerves. I have never done anything to this person. We don't even have this usual conversations or whatever memories so far but whenever I try to talk to her or make some conversations, as if I am Invisible.

Like as if I am being left hanging on a cliff.

It feels uncomfortable of course. It's like you've been stabbed a million times, yet you still manage to get up and act like nothing happened. (worst!)

I admit, I am not a human pleaser. I make mistakes, I fart, I get happy from simple things, I cry. But come on! Don't act as if your a deaf. It makes me dumb.

Anyhow, I just can't contain being like this because I have never experience this in my whole life.

I know I will never be able to completely ignore people who don't like me for no reason. I hate it when people have the wrong impression of me and it's so hard to want to control the need to say "No, that's not who am I at all!"

But at this point, I try to encourage people not to try and defend themselves. If you know who you are, then you don't need to defend yourself. Okidoki?

#Fighting

Only Love

This one story I want to share is one of the best stories I have ever read. Its quiet a long one but Its worth to read since it was based on a real-life event. I hope you too will enjoy and just like me, pour your heart's out of it and  hopefully, will make your heart melt. 

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It's a cold February night. People are bustling through the streets, either pulling up their coat collars or wrapping scarves around their necks, trying to stay warm.

It's so cold today.I'm standing at my window, looking at the people moving like little dots. Standing in a heated room, I'm beginning to pity those people. Why don't they go home? Do they plan on wandering until morning?
"Almost time to go home! My boyfriend must be going crazy." One of the nurses breathe a sign of relief. "Still needs to work overtime on Valentine's Day. It's so unfair!"
"You are fortunate." Another nurse says. "Some people don't have anyone waiting for them."
"You mean Dr. Shu?"
Like Sherlock Holmes, my ears perk up when I hear my name.
"Do you remember how she lost control on this day last year?"
"Of course I do." A nurse shudders. "I've never seen Dr. Shu like that. Crying and yelling, like she was crazy." They are talking about how I was last year. They are correct. I was out of control, like they said.
"You can't blame Dr. Shu. If my boyfriend died in front of my eyes, I would probably go crazy as well."
"Keep it down. She hasn't left work yet. She might hear you."
The two nurses are too late. I heard the entire conversation through the canvas wall.
"Dr. Shu, what are you doing standing here?"
Just as I was deciding whether or not to reveal myself, another nurse exposed me. I awkwardly step out. The 2 nurses who discussed me start to blush. Their faces became redder than the bow on Valentine's Day chocolates.
"I'm waiting to go home." I pretend that I didn't hear anything.
"Dr. Shu, you must have gotten too involved in your work. It's already past time to go home. See you tomorrow. Happy Valentine's Day!" She waves goodbye.
"Happy Valentine's Day." I wave back and watch the 2 nurses hurry away.
That's fine. I was ready to go home anyway. Even though no lover is waiting
for me, at least there's a lazy cat waiting for me to feed.
After I come home, the first thing I do is feed the cat. I forgot when I first had the cat. Probably since last year's Valentine's Day. At that time, I was like an abandoned cat, with eyes filled with despair. Cats don't cry, I do. That's the only difference.
"Better drink all the milk or I'll skin you." I threatened the cat. Her name is Christine, my least favorite English name. I don't know why I named the cat Christine. Christine meowed once to let me know she heard me, but her eyes are complaining about my severity. Her eyes remind me of someone I used to know, standing in front of me with eyes of rebellions.
An year ago today, I had lunch with my boyfriend and took the opportunity to complain to him.
"Today is Valentine's Day. Why didn't you give me any flowers?" He raised his eyebrow. "Why should I give you flowers? You are not my anyone."
"Then... you should at least give me a card!" I pouted my lips, hurt by his tone.
"I know, I know. After lunch, I'll send you an e-card."
E-card. That sounds so impersonal, but that's the way he is. "You have to e-mail it to me. I'll be waiting." I excitedly smiled and planned to sneak home after lunch to check e-mail. Even though he wouldn't use any romantic words, I still looked forward to the card.
"I can't stand you women. Why do you make such a big deal out of Valentine's Day??" He grumbled while eating his food. His comment induced me to fight with him again.
"You are not romantic at all!! Don't you watch any Japanese drama?"
"Japanese drama? I only watch Discovery Channel."
"Your life is so boring." I made a face at him. "One recent drama was really good. You should have watched it."
"What's that drama called?" He didn't believe in the love portrayed in TV and movies. He always thought they were lies.
"It's called 'Story of A Century'." I gladly answered.
"What kind of trashy plot did it have?"
"What do you mean trash?? Show some respect!" I was so angry. "That drama was very touching, and the theme song was beautiful as well. It's called 'Only Love', performed by Nana Mouskouri." I wonder if he knew who Nana was.
"Nana, I know her. A Greek singer with really expensive albums."
"Her voice is worth it." Even though I secretly agreed with him, I couldn't bring myself to admit it.
"Whatever." He glanced at his watch. "I'll give you 5 minutes to tell me the plot. After that, I'm leaving."
I tried hard to explain 6 hours worth of story in just 5 minutes. The drama portrayed the love stories of 3 generations of women spanning 100 years, from 1901 to 2000. Each generation was portrayed by the same actress. The story was tear-jerking. "What's so touching about it?" He asked, after listening to the story.
"Don't you think each generation's story is wonderful? If I have such great screen writing ability, I wouldn't be a doctor anymore. I would become a screenwriter."
"If you become a screenwriter, I bet no one would watch the show. The TV station can go out of business." He quickly interjected.
"I'm going back to work. Hurry and send me the card!" I was so mad that I went home immediately, not even finishing my coffee.
As soon as I walked in my door, I turned on my computer and go online. Staring at the empty in-box, I began to reminisce about how we met. Maybe no one will believe me, but my boyfriend and I were actually neighbors. Our homes were only 1 wall away. Ever since we were kids, we liked to fight with each other all day long. I still remember when I moved to the country that year. Used to the city life, I couldn't get used to the simple life in the country. After school, I would just go home and do nothing. Whenever that happened, he would always come over to tease me.

"Why are you staring off into space??" He loved to pull on my hair. "You're so ugly when you're doing nothing. But you're also not pretty when you smile." In other words, I'm really ugly. "You're the one who's ugly!" I pull back my hair. "If you think I'm so ugly, why do you visit me??"
"Can't help it. My home is right next to your home." He argued.
"Then I'll move!" The next day, I drew a line in the ground using some white chalk. A line that I forbid him to cross.
That year, we were both in the 5th grade. We couldn't stand each other and hoped the other would move away. But 5 years passed, and neither of us moved. Not only that, we got into the same high school and into the same class.
"You're that infamous couple." All the students and teachers in the school would say whenever they saw us.
"We're not!" I always tried to explain. "We're only neighbors." At that time, I hated my parents for making us live next to him.
"My standard is not that low." He would say. "Who wants her to be a girlfriend?? It's not like I don't have eyes."
"Yes, I know your eyes are on top of your head." I really disliked him. "Better than having eyes on the bottom of my head like you." He implied that I couldn't judge guys. At that time, I had a crush on a senior.
I didn't think that his sarcasm had a hidden meaning. After a while, I found out that the senior student had lots of girlfriends. When I cried about it, he silently passed me a handkerchief and awkwardly held me in his arms.
"I told you he wasn't any good." He roughly comforted me. I cried in his arms the whole night, and began to see him in a different way. Things began to change between us. We still fought all the time, but he started to look at me differently. And I blushed and my heart beat faster when he was near. We both knew: we fell in love with each other.
Even with this knowledge, neither of us said anything. Even though we would not be able to resist and kissed each other constantly. Even though we cared about each other's every moves. Both of us refused to admit our love. Time flew by quickly, and it was time to face separation. I chose to study medicine, and he chose physics. Yet we still couldn't separate from each other. Our parents worried that we didn't know anyone in Taipei, so they forced us to live in the same apartment building. 

Once again, we became neighbors. We still fought, but sometimes we fought into the bedroom. Alright, we became lovers, but we still wouldn't say we loved each other. We didn't even spend Valentine's Day together until he saw me share dinner with a man one Valentine's Day. That night, he waited for me in front of my door and said that he would take me out to dinner on Valentine's Day from then on. I have to say that he was very arrogant. But I nodded and accepted his request. Since then, we spent every Valentine's Day together. After graduation, I became an intern. He started a small computer company with some friends and became a programmer. We were busy with our own lives and had no time for a relationship. Three years later, I became a doctor, and his business began to boom. We separately moved to bigger apartments and stopped being neighbors. On the surface, we left each other. In reality, we were still together. We spent every Valentine's Day together but each year became more dreary than the next because he never told me he loved me even with all my hints.
Facing the empty in-box, I suddenly grew very angry. He wouldn't say it and wouldn't send me a card. What did he mean? Who did he think I was? I called his cell phone.
"Hello." He picked up the phone.
"I didn't receive the card." I immediately showed my displeasure.
"You didn't receive it?" He seemed really busy. "But I sent it."
He was really busy but I didn't care. "I didn't receive it. Send it again."
"Okay, I'll send you 100 times. Is that good enough??" He said with impatience. His tone further infuriated me. Is that how lovers speak to each other?
"Don't bother sending it to me. And you don't have to pick me up tonight. I'll eat dinner by myself."
"Don't be childish, ok? I'm really busy."
"I AM childish!" I hung up the phone and tears rolled down my cheeks.
Childish?? Why didn't he consider the situation? We've gone out for so many years and spent countless Valentine's Day together. I never received any flowers nor cards from him. Now, I just want a little e-card. Is that too much to ask for??
I unplugged the phone from the wall and turned off my cell phone. I didn't want to hear his explanations. After I returned to the hospital, I instructed the receptionist not to forward me any phone calls. I wanted to concentrate on work.
Because there were so many emergencies today, I was sweating 1 hour later and forgot about our argument.
"Dr. Shu, please take a look at that patient."
As I was collecting my equipment, the shrill sound of an ambulance sounded outside the ER. When I stepped out the door, the emergency medics hurriedly wheeled in a gurney.
"What happened to him?" I asked the 1st medic. Everyone else were trying to help put the patient on the gurney. He was covered with blood.
"Car accident." The medic replied. "Very serious.He may die.

I nodded and ran to the operating room with them. When I arrived, the nurses told me that the man had already stopped breathing and also his heartbeat also stopped
"Prepare for shock." I calmly instructed the nurses. Saving people is our duty. We can't lose our calm.

But when I saw who laid on the operating table, I lost my calm. That person was my boyfriend!

"No..." I stood in shock. "NO!!!" I grabbed the paddles and continuously shocked his body. His body bounced up and down from the shocks. The scared nurses went to find another doctor, to tell him that I was crazy.

I didn't know if I was crazy or not. I just wanted to save my lover. Even though we fought all the time. Even though he never showed me his love. I still wanted to save him. He still owed me a card. He couldn't die! I threw away the paddles and began to press on his heart. I pressed with all my strength, hoping it would revive him, but he didn't wake up. He didn't even say "It hurts". He just laid there with his eyes closed, punishing me with his silence.
Dr. Jian angrily pushed me away. By that time, I couldn't see clearly anymore. I cried. I wailed. I bowled until no sounds could come out of my mouth.
"It's too late, Dr. Shu. He's already dead. I'm sorry." Dr. Jian patted me on the shoulder. They knew each other and ate together once. I introduced them.
"He can't die." I shook my head. "He can't die!!" I struggled to run to him.
"Dr. Shu, control yourself!" Dr. Jian slapped me. "I understand what you're going through, but you're a doctor."
Yes, I'm a doctor, but I'm also a regular person. How can Dr. Jian understand how I feel? I've loved him for so many years that it's become a habit. How can I just throw away a habit? Besides, he still owed me a card. "I want him to live! I want him to live!" I ran to him again and tried to knock the life back into his body.

"Take her away!" That day, I lost my control and my professionalism.
And that day happened to be Valentine's Day.
Afterwards, I asked his co-workers why he left work early that day.
They told me that after I hung up the phone, he tried to call me several times but couldn't reach me. Worried, he drove to the hospital to find me and got hit by a large truck on the way.
When I heard this, I froze. My tantrum killed him. Just because of an unmailed card, he died. After that, I lost my privilege to be childish.
Like an abandoned cat, I couldn't even cry anymore. After his death, I couldn't cry anymore, regardless of how touching the plot or how tear-jerking the dialogue. They didn't affect me anymore.
Now, I'm only left with a cat and a seldomly used computer. Stepping over the cat, I turned on the computer. Even though I know no one will send me a mail, I still hoped that someone will remember me on this day.
Meow, meow. I looked at Christine to see what's wrong. She finished her milk. I went into the kitchen to get her more milk then came back to look at the computer screen.
I have.... 100 emails! Who would be bored enough to send me 100 junk mail?
I was just about to delete them all when I received another mail, and this one said: "Because of system error, we could not send these until today.
We apologize for the delay." The sender was my ISP.
I looked at the 1st mail. It showed the send date is last year's Valentine's Day. My heart began to beat fast. Could he have sent these?
With a trembling hand, I opened the mail. The first thing that popped up was a gorgeous red rose set against green leaves. Then a beautiful melody began to play.... "Only Love". I couldn't believe it. The rose was so beautiful and the music was so dreamy. I almost thought I was in a fantasy. Most touching of all were the words underneath the rose, because the words read like a beautiful poem.
"Hwei."
That's my name.
"Knowing you so many years, I've never sent you any flowers. Today I send you a rose."
I received it and it's so beautiful.
"You know we are always fighting. We can never really open our hearts and tell each other how we feel."
Yes, but it's all your fault for being so distant.
"I know I always make you mad by the things I say."
Good that you're admitting it.
"But today I want to say to you: I'm sorry, and I love you."
I waited so many years for those words.
"And I want to tell you a good news. I finally saved enough money."
You already have enough money. Why did you need so much?
"So Hwei, let's get married!! I was afraid to propose to you, because I didn't trust in my ability to give you the good life you deserve. But now I've saved enough money so we don't have to wait anymore."
Who wanted you to wait? I'm already yours.
"Today, I use this card to propose to you. Will you marry me, Hwei? Will you?"
That's the content of the whole card. Like a fool, I kept reading his words and talking to him. It's like I can hear his voice and see him again.
As if it's back to 1 year ago with us constantly fighting.
The song played over and over. Repeating Nana's heartbreaking voice.
Only love can make a memory. Only love can make a moment last. You were there and all the world was young and all it's songs unsung. and I remember you then when love was all, all you were living for,
and how you gave that love to me...."
The lyrics of this song fits our love so closely. When he was alive, my world was so young. Every day, I could find a something different to fight with him about. But after he left, my life is only left with memories and coldness that will never go away.
"Will you marry me?"
When I read these words, my tears unconsciously came, wetting the keyboard.
Will I? If he's in front of me, I will definitely kick him and call him a big fool. If I wasn't willing, I wouldn't have waited until today.
So I moved the cursor over the "Reply" box, and typed the response that I've already prepared for so many years - "I will."
I will - be by his side for the rest of my life. I will - fight with him forever. That is how I answered him, but the only response I got was the repeating song "Only Love."
Nevertheless, I opened every single letter, accepted every singled rose, and typed the same response: "I will."
I replied 100 times, and "Only Love" played 100 times. In this cold Valentine's night, the line that's been broken for 1 year finally got reconnected.
I answered you. What about you?

When Water Runs Dry

Let's don't wait till the water runs dry
We might watch our whole lives pass us by
Let's don't wait till the water runs dry
We'll make the biggest mistake of our lives
 

`Boyz II Men

Water has been used since antiquity as a symbol by which to express devotion and purity. Some cultures, like the ancient Greeks, went as far as to worship gods who were thought to live in and command the waters. Whole cities have been build by considering the location and availability of pure drinking water. The place of gathering was around the wells, which is perhaps and the following trend in building fountains in the middle of piazzas.

"I'm dying of thirst!"

Well, you just might. It sounds so simple. H20- Two parts hydrogen and one part oxygen. The substance also known as water, is one of the most essential elements to everything. Water makes up every living creature on this earth and without it, we would definitely die in a few days. 

Aside from drinking it to survive, we use water for cooking, washing our bodies, washing clothes, washing cooking utensils, keeping houses and communities clean, recreation such as swimming pools, keeping plants alive in garden and parks. It's even essential for the healthy growth of of farm crops and farm stock and is used in the manufacture of many products. 
 

Contrary to the past, our recent developed technological society has become indifferent to this miracle of life. Our natural heritage, (rivers, seas and ocean) has been exploited, mistreated and contaminated. 

The population decline the marine and riparian life, the appearance of green algae in the rivers and the stench and slime that comes as result of putrefaction in the water. are clear signs of the depth and extent of disruption that has been caused to this intricate ecosystem (a composite Greek word: eco, home and systema, a combination of things or parts forming a complex or unitary whole) . Government bodies and water authorities will have us believe that is safe and we should not worry about this global alarm. Awareness and action lies entirely upon us, as we need to become our own educators, physicians and innovators. Socrates had once said,  "an unexamined life is not worth living.."

So now, imagine yourself without water. Can you live up until a week? There are so many things in this world that could possibly make you believe someday, somehow all the water sources we have are going to pass by and will run dry. 

Moreover, if that day comes, what will you do? 

To Marianne

Dear Marianne, 

I kept thinking for the past years on how we became friends. I thought of you as my sister, best friend and the one I trust most. But I never thought that that day would be the biggest mistake of my life. 

We knew each other since we were on the 5th grade. But we never got the chance to knew each other because we both have different circle of friends. Until after a year, we were the only students in our section who were transferred to the higher level. And since we both are new, conceivably we automatically became friends. 

But as time goes by, I noticed that you've changed since you became friends with others. I know, people change and that's the only constant in this world. But it wasn't right to tell them the secrets that we have shared to anyone. That's what a friend right? And when I asked you what's wrong, you had the most lenient face ever telling me there's nothing wrong. 

During our retreat. we were asked to write a letter to anyone who you dislike most and should asked for forgiveness. You were so happy that you never got a letter. But then I was surprise when you gave me one. I was thinking what did i do to you to make you feel that way. And then I realized, you have been sculpturesque the whole time when I thought you were my friend. After the retreat it got worst. You tore me apart leaving me breathless and alone. I had never been depressed in my life. Everyday before we go home from school you always leave a message in the board, saying I am the ugliest in the room. I knew its you. I know your handwriting. Every morning at school, during cleaning time, you never missed a moment of throwing a floor mop in my head which made me want to hit you back but then I realized that God is watching you and that Karma will soon take you. And then during our closing remarks, I almost fell at the stairs because you were pushing me and you were heaving my hair.

I lived my years with fear and darkness. There comes a time when I don't wanna go to school anymore because of you. All I could was cry.

And then at last, upon entering high school we finally separated ways. I thank God for that moment. But then, the bad memories that you have imparted in my life brooded. It took me a long time to feel comfortable around people again. Making friends was a difficult process.

You never knew the pain you've caused me. But I am older and stronger now. I can take care of my self. Now, I bound to realized that you have no joy. You are hurting and lonely inside that's why you wanted somebody to fathom the pain. And I did. And I feel sorry for you. 

No one should ever have experience those kind of feelings. 

They said, forgive and forget. But I may still have difficulties forgiving you. I just hope and pray that you someday can feel the same way and finally love and honor yourself.

Sincerely, 

Minjee

The Letter

A mother passing by her daughter's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then she saw an envelope propped up prominently on the center of the bed. It was addressed, "Mom." With the worst premonition, she opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:

Dear Mom,
 It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new boyfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Dad and you. I've been finding real passion with Ahmed and he is so nice-even with all his piercings, tattoos, beard, and his motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the passion Mom, I'm pregnant and Ahmed said that we will be very happy. 

He already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. He wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my dreams too. Ahmed taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for us and trading it with his friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. 

In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Ahmed can get better; he sure deserves it!! Don't worry Mom, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grand children.


Your daughter, 
Judith

 <p> </p>
PS: Mom, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbor's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card that's in my desk center drawer. I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home.

KSA Journey Saga

The cultural setting of Saudi Arabia, is Arab and Islam and is deeply religious, conservative, traditional, family oriented and one more thing. Naturally sweet people.

Following the principle of enjoining good and forbidding wrong, there are many limitations on behaviour and dress are strictly enforced both legally and socially. Like  all women, regardless of age, are required to have a male guardian (Wali). 

Under the Saudi Law, girls and women are forbidden from traveling, conducting official business, or undergoing certain medical procedures without permission from their male guardians.
The system is said to emanate from social conventions, including the importance of protecting women, and from religious precepts on travel and marriage, although these requirements were arguably confined to particular situations.

Traditionally, women's clothing must not reveal anything about her body. It is supposed to be thick, opaque, and loose. It should not resemble the clothing of men.  Accordingly, most women are expected to wear the hijab (head covering), a full black cloak called an abaya, and a face-veil called niqab.

                        ----------------------------------------------------------------------

Few days from now, a new chapter of my life begins. My probationary period is getting over and I will be working as a regular military nurse. 

Serving a military hospital is a challenging thing to do, at least once in your life. Especially to nurses, of course. Here in Saudi Arabia, if you are good, then you are rewarded. If you did something that is prohibited or forbidden, then you must suffer the consequences.

Learning the Arabian's culture, language and personalities is an interesting thing to do. Especially the language. Hmmm, at first I'm stuck at the ward when patient started talking Arabic and the only thing I could utter is "Ukhti, Maleesh. Ana jadid mummarida. Mafi Maalum Arabic." and then I'l just say Äna kalam sister tani, eish inti abga".. T_T 

Sometimes, whenever I communicate with the patient and relatives in the ward, it feels great to know that I am actually talking in Arabic already. It makes me feel happy knowing that we both understand each other already. 

Day by day I am eager to learn more about the language and I thank them as well of teaching me how. One time, I said to the watcher. Ükhti, egee walad, min fadlak soccer."and then my co.workers were laughing their hearts out. When I asked why, I was supposed   to tell egee rajal. Because boys in arabic is rajal and walad is son. So i was saying to the watcher son is coming. lol. sorry, just wanted to share that. Hehehe. 

So, see? Everyday is a learning process of arabic. Every mistake word you say is an experience that you will never forget, so you remember it the next time you use the word again. lol. 

Anyways, I'm just a bit happy and relax today, so I was able to drop something to read. Hope you enjoy! :) 

Till next time again.

Maasalam! ^_^