Walking in the Light (John 11:9-10)

I wrote this for myself. No filters. No pretending. Just the truth I once tried to bury.

When I read that passage, it didn't just move me...it shook me. It pulled me back into a season of my life I can never fully forget. A time when I was completely consumed by darkness. Not the kind you see, but the kind that blinds you from within.

I was lost. Truly lost. And now I understand why I kept making destructive choices, why my thoughts turned against me. It's because I couldn't see the light. I didn't even know where to look for it. Everything inside me was clouded. 

Heavy. 

Suffocating. 

I was fighting battles no one could see, drowning in silence, smiling on the outside while breaking apart within.

Those were the days that terrified me the most. The days that tested every part of my will to keep going. I was frustrated, exhausted, and at one point...I genuinely believed the only way out was to end my life.

But I didn't.

Because somehow, when I had nothing left, when I was at my lowest, God called me back. Not when I was strong. Not when I had it all together. But right there, in my weakest, darkest moment.

And that's what saved me.

Those days were real. They were painful. They almost destroyed me. 

But they did not define my ending. 

------------------

I've been sitting with a short passage from the Bible lately - John 11:9-10, and the more I think, the more it feels like something we still struggle to understand today.

"Are there not twelve hours in the day? If any man walk in the day, he stumbleth not, because he seeth the light of this world. But if a man walk in the night, he stumbleth, because there is no light in him." 

At first, it sounds like one of those lines you read and nod at..then move on. But the context? That changes everything.

When Jesus Christ said this, He wasn't just teaching randomly. His disciples were worried. He had just told them they were going back to Judea, the same place where people had recently tried to stone Him. Naturally, there were like, "Wait...were going back there? Are you sure about this?"

They were thinking about safety. About risk. About what could go wrong. And Jesus responds with... a metaphor about daylight. Not exactly what they expected.

But what He was really telling them was this: If you're walking where you're meant to be, if you're aligned with God's purpose, you're walking in the light. And when you have light, you don't stumble.

Honestly, that hits different nowadays. Because If I am being real, a lot of us are not afraid of the dark, because we are afraid of making the wrong move. Surely you will ask yourself "what if I choose the wrong path? or what if this decision backfires? or what if I am not ready yet?"

We overthink. We hesitate. We stay where it's comfortable because at least it feels safe. That's exactly where the disciples were. They weren't wrong to be cautious. But they were letting fear speak louder than purpose.

So what does "walking in the light" even look like now? It's not always something big or dramatic. Sometimes, it's really simple. Like doing the right thing even when no one's watching, or saying yes to something that scares you (but feels right deep down), or letting go of what's easy because you know it's not for you anymore, or lastly, taking one step forward, even when you don't have the full plan. 

Walking in the light doesn't mean everything is clear, it just means you're not walking blindly.

And the "night" part.. that's real too. Let's not pretend we don't end up there sometimes. Walking in the night can look like overthinking until you move at all, or letting fear make your decisions for you, or following what everyone else is doing, even when it doesn't feel right. Ignoring that quite nudge inside you. And then we wonder why things feel off...why we keep stumbling. It's not always because life is against us. Sometimes, we're just moving without light.

So here's the thought I keep coming back to. Jesus didn't say there would be no danger. He didn't say the path would be easy. He just said you won't stumble. if you're walking in the light. And honestly? that shifts everything. Because maybe, the goal is not to avoid hard things. Maybe it's to make sure were not facing them in the dark.

If I could take one thing from this passage and bring it into everyday life, it would be this: You don't need to have everything figured out. You just need enough light to take the next step. And maybe instead of asking, "is this thing the safest choice?" we should start asking "is this the right one?" Because those two are not always the same. 

And according to Jesus Christ...the right path is the one where the light is.

Crash Landing on You

There are stories you watch, and then there are stories that quietly take up residence inside you. For me, Crash Landing on You is firmly the latter.

Okay. I watched it again today. 

I didn't expect it, if I'm being honest. I pressed play thinking it would just another well-made series to pass the time. Instead, it unfolded into something far more intimate. Something that felt less like fiction and more like a lived emotion. And perhaps that's why I keep returning to it, again and again, as though it knows a part of me I don't often put into words.

As someone who has always been a hopeless romantic, I found myself completely disarmed by the love story between Ri Jeong Hyeok and Yoon Se-ri. It was not just grand, cinematic gestures, though there were plenty of those, it was the quiet, almost fragile moments in between.

The way they looked at each other when words were too dangerous. The way love grew not out of convenience, but in spite of everything that stood against it.

Their world was built on impossibility: borders, politics, fear, and the constant threat of loss. And yet, within that tension, their love felt astonishingly real. It was careful, restrained, and at times painfully uncertain. 

But I guess that's precisely what made it soooo powerful. It wasn't perfect. It was REAL.

Every time I rewatch the series and I've already lost count at this point, I find myself feeling the same rush of emotions. The same tightness in my chest during moments of separation. The same quiet joy in their fleeting happiness.

It's almost strange, how something so familiar can still move me in exactly the same way, as though my heart has not learned to brace itself. 

Perhaps that's the beauty of it. Some stories don't dull with repetition; they deepen. They settle into you, layer by layer, until they become part of how you understand love itself.

What Crash Landing on You did, more than anything, was remind me why I believe in love the way I do. Not the easy kind, not the convenient kind, but the kind that waits, that risks, that chooses again and again, even when the odds are impossibly high. The kind that feels like it might break you, but is somehow still worth everything.

This is the first time I've ever written about a series like this, and maybe that says something in itself. Not every story lingers long enough to be written about. 

Not every story asks you to sit with your feelings and give them a voice. 

But this one did.

And maybe, in some quiet way, it always will.💕

Knock Knock.. Who's There? Faith.

There's something so beautifully simple and slightly funny about Luke 11:9-10 (KJV):

"And I say unto you, Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you. For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened."

If I am being honest, most of us treat this verse like a spiritual vending machine.

We "ask"...once.

We "seek"...for about five minutes.

We "knock"... and if no one answers immediately, we assume heaven is closed for renovations.

But this verse? It's not about a one-time request. It's about persistence. 

Think about it. Have you ever had someone knock on your door like this:

knock knock (wait 2 seconds) louder knock knock

"HELLO?? I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE."

That's the energy. 

Not rude. Not desperate. But determined. And honestly, that's where the humor meets the beauty. 

Because God is not sitting there irritated like, "Oh no...it's her again." He's more like, "Yes, keep coming. Keep asking. I love that you're not giving up."

Ask. Even when you feel awkward. Sometimes, we don't ask because we think our requests are too small. "Lord...it's just a small thing..." Meanwhile, we'll ask a friend for Wifi without hesitation.

 If it matters to you, surely it matters to Him.

Even if it's as simple as: "Lord, please help me survive today without losing my patience...or my mind." (Relatable, right?)

Seek. Even when you feel lost. Seeking implies movement. It means you don't just sit there waiting for answers to fall from the sky like notifications. 

You open your Bible. You pray. You reflect. You wrestle a little.

Sometimes, seeking feels like trying to find your phone...while it's in your hand. You're searching everywhere, frustrated, only to realize later:

"Oh...God was here the whole time." 

Knock. Even when it feels repetitive. This is where it gets real. Knocking means you didn't get the answer yet. So you knock again.

And again.

And again.

Not because God didn't hear you, but because something is happening in you while you wait. 

Faith is being built. Patience is growing. Trust is deepening.

What makes this verse so comforting is this: it doesn't say maybe. It says:

• Ask... you will receive
• Seek... you will find
• Knock... it will be opened

Not always in the way you expect, nor in your timing. But always in a way that is good. So if you feel like your prayers are on "read" but not "replied"... please don't stop.

Keep asking.

Keep seeking.

Keep knocking.

Because one day, the door will open, and you'll realize God was not ignoring you. 

He was preparing something better behind the door, while you kept knocking like a slightly persistent, faith-filled human. 😉

Eyes Forward: A Life Fully Committed. (Luke 9:62)

There is something about the past that quietly pulls at us.

Sometimes it's comfort, familiar habits, familiar people, familiar ways of thinking. Other times, it's regret. The things we wish we handled differently, words we wish we never said, choices we wish we could undo. And if we're honest, there are moments when we try to move forward... but a part of us keeps turning back.

The moment I get to read Luke 9:62, it hit me so deeply. Jesus was speaking directly to a man who said he wanted to follow Him, but first wanted to go back home. So Jesus responded in verse 62. "No man, having out his hand to the plow, and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God."

Jesus was telling the man like "If you really want to follow Me, you must be fully committed, not half in half out."

At first, it sounds strict. Almost harsh. But when you sit with it, you realize, it's actually very honest.

Jesus is not just talking about farming. He's talking about focus. About direction. About the kind of heart that truly wants to move forward. 

Imagine a farmer plowing a field. His hands are steady, his path is straight. But the moment he keeps looking behind him, everything starts to shift. The lines become uneven. The work loses its direction. Not because he lacks ability, but because his attention is divided.

And isn't that exactly how life feels sometimes?

You want to grow. You want to heal. You want to follow God.

But part of you is still holding on to a past relationship, or a past version of yourself, or even a past pain you've learned to live with.

You move forward... but you keep glancing back.

This verse is not about perfection. It's about commitment.

It's about the quiet but firm decision that says: "Sure! I may have a past, but I'm not going to live there anymore."

Because following God means letting go. Not because the past didn't matter, but because it can't lead you forward. You can't walk into a new life while constantly turning around to revisit the old one.

And maybe that's the real challenge here.

Not starting. But staying.

Staying committed when it's uncomfortable. Staying focused when distraction comes. Staying faithful when the past feels easier than the future.

Luke 9:62 is a reminder for me that moving forward requires intention. It requires a heart that chooses, again and again, not to go back.

So if you find yourself stuck between where you were and where you're trying to go, ask yourself gently: 

"What am I still looking back at?" and more importantly, "Is it worth losing my direction?"

Because the truth is, the life ahead of you needs your full attention. 

And sometimes, the most powerful step forward...is simply, choosing not to turn back.

A Quiet Pause, Not a Goodbye

Some of you who regularly visit this website may have been wondering what happened to me and why I suddenly stopped writing. The truth is, I never really stopped. There were simply a few unfortunate things that happened recently, things that are too personal for me to share right now.

These experiences affected my well-being, my peace of mind, and even the way I process my thoughts and decisions in life. Because of that, writing became difficult for a while. I had so many things on my mind that it was hard to put my usual ideas into words. I am writing this now just to let you know that I haven't disappeared. I've simply been taking a quiet pause because I couldn't bring myself to write the way I normally do.

Please bear with me for a little while longer. I promise I'll be back soon, and when I return, I hope to write with the same voice and passion you've known before. To those who never stopped checking this website (yes, I can see the visits and when you're from), thank you. Your continued presence truly means more than you know. 

From the bottom of my heart, thank you for staying. I'll be back soon.

When Charm Isn't Character

There are people you meet in life who arrive like sunlight. Warm, bright, and almost too easy to trust. And then, slowly, like a shadow stretching at dusk, something shifts.

I once knew someone like that.

At first, everything about them felt effortless. They spoke with confidence, laugh easily, and carried stories like polished stones; smooth and convincing. But over time, I began to notice the cracks beneath the shine. Words did not always align with actions. Truth bent just enough to make you question your own memory.

It reminded me of what the Bible say:

"A double minded man is unstable in all his ways" - James 1:8 (KJV)

Instability is subtle at first. It disguises itself as misunderstanding, as busyness, as coincidence. But patterns don't lie. When someone's character is questionable, it's rarely because of one mistake and it's the repetition that reveals it.

There is a kind of grief in realizing that someone you wanted to believe in, may not be who they presented themselves to be. It feels like betrayal, even if no dramatic offense occurred. 

Scripture warns gently but clearly:

"He that walketh uprightly walketh surely: but he that perverteth his ways shall be known." - Proverbs 10:9 (KJV)

Character always reveals itself. Maybe, not immediately. Maybe, not loudly. But SURELY.

I wrestled with myself once again. I asked if I was being judgmental. If I was too sensitive. If I expected too much. But I believe, discernment is not cruelty. In fact, it protected me.

The Bible also reminds us:

"Be not deceived: evil communications corrupt good manners." - 1 Corinthians 15:33 (KJV)

I become like what I tolerate. I slowly excused what once disturbed me. And without realizing it, it lowered my standards just to maintain proximity. 

So I stepped back.

Not with anger or resentment. Not with any dramatic confrontation. 

Just quiet distance.

Because peace is more valuable than any other things for me right now. Because once you lose my trust, nothing will ever be the same. 

This acquaintance taught me something important. Charm is not character. Words are not integrity. And familiarity is not loyalty. 

In the end, I prayed for wisdom more than approval. To ask God not only for kind people in my life, but for truthful ones.

And perhaps, most importantly, to examine my own heart too.

Because it is so easy to write about someone else's questionable character.

It is harder, and holier, to guard my own.

Torn Between Fighting Back and Letting Go

I used to fight back when I was younger. I wasn't the kind of girl who quietly sat in a corner when something went wrong. Oh no. My heart and soul would ignite the second I felt disrespected. If something was off, I was already off with it.

My best friend, Joanna, used to call me "the expressive one." Back in college, if there was a riot somewhere on campus, she'd assume I was probably in the middle of it, not necessarily throwing punches, but definitely throwing words. Passionate words. Dramatic words. Possibly words that required censoring.

The old me? She was built like, "You want war? I'll bring the soundtrack."

But somewhere along the way, that girl slowly drifted off. No dramatic exit. No resignation letter. She just...faded. One day I realized I had become quiet. Suspiciously quiet.

Now when people disrespect me, drag my name, throw subtle insults, or straight-up call me names, I just stand there like a calm monk who accidentally wandered into chaos.

I. Just. Keep. Quiet.

It's almost funny. The old Junalie would've delivered a TED talk on Why You're Wrong and Possibly Embarrassing. The current version? She blinks. She nods. She goes home and eat snacks.

And here's the strange part: I still get upset. I cry. I feel hurt. But the rage? Gone. The resentment? Missing. Even my inner voice forgot how to curse. I used to have a vocabulary that could set a building on fire. Now, I can’t even summon a mild insult in my thoughts. 

One person asked me, "Why are you letting yourself be treated like this?"

Good question. I'd also like to know.

Recently, I had a bad encounter with someone I can't confidently call a friend. Let's just say "acquaintance with questionable character." I've been patient for so long, but that day I reached my boiling point.

And by boiling point, I mean I cried...silently.

I was upset. Deeply. But here's the twist: I couldn't hate the person.. I tried. I searched for anger like it was misplaced car keys. Nothing. Just...disappointment.

Meanwhile, another voice (probably the ghost of College Junalie) whispered, "Fight back. If you keep allowing this, they'll think it's okay." 

And she's not wrong.

If you constantly absorbed disrespect without reaction, people might assume you're made of emotional shock absorbers. Spoiler alert: I am not.

So now I'm torn.

Do I fight back and resurrect the expressive queen? Or do I let go and preserve my peace like a mature, evolved human being who drinks water and minds her business?

Here's what I'm starting to realize: silence is not always weakness. Sometimes it's control. Sometimes it's growth. And sometimes it's just exhaustion from arguing with people who have the emotional depth of a teaspoon.

The old me fought because she had something to prove. The new me stays quiet because she has nothing to prove.

But quiet doesn't mean passive. Letting go doesn't mean allowing abuse. Peace doesn't mean permitting disrespect. 

Maybe the real glow-up isn't choosing war or silence. Maybe it's knowing when to speak with precision and when to walk away like a classy villain in slow motion.

So no, I don't think something is wrong with me.

I think I'm evolving.

And if I ever do decide to fight back?

Trust me.

I still remember how.

A Letter To God

Today, marks a quiet but powerful milestone in my life: I finally finished reading the Old Testament. 

For the past six months, I walked through it day by day, sometimes only a chapter, sometimes a few, until, at last, I reached the final page. And as simple as that sounds, it feels anything but small. It feels sacred.

Dear Lord God, 

Thank You, for the desire You placed in my heart, for the strength You gave me on days I felt tired, and for the Spirit that carried me through every page. Through every chapter, I came to know You more deeply. I saw how endless Your mercy is. How immeasurable Your love is, not just for the faithful, but for humanity as a whole.

Through Your Word, I learned who You are. I learned Your ways, Your statues, Your commandments. I get to know Your rage and Your justice, Your discipline and Your forgiveness. I get to know how time and time again, people turned away from You, made the same mistakes, broke the same promises, grieved Your heart over and over again. And yet...You still called them back.

"Turn to Me with all your heart, with fasting, with weeping, and with mourning."

-Joel 2:12

And every time, they were forgiven.

And somewhere along those pages, You began refining me. Quietly. Gently. Sometimes, painfully. You reshaped my heart into something stronger, something more honest. Even now, I am still in awe of the transformation You have done in my life.

There were days during this journey when I felt overwhelmed by emotions. I couldn't explain. I faced challenges, troubles, and inner battles I never expected. In my prayers, I asked You to let me walk the righteous path because I wanted, truly wanted, to follow You. But instead of peace, I felt pulled into seasons of sadness, anger, disappointment, and confusion.

I questioned You. I questioned myself. I didn't understand. 

But now I see it, You allowed it because You were preparing me.

When I look back, I realize I am stronger than I've ever been. My faith in You has grown beyond measure. You taught my heart how to endure, how to stand firm, how to trust even when nothing made sense. You made me confident not in myself, but in You. And somehow, through it all, You made me love You even more. 

Lord, my deepest desire is to be in Your kingdom someday.

Thank You for giving me the chance to read the Bible while I am still alive. 

What an honor. What a gift to be among those who get to know Your story, Your heart, Your truth, And this is not the end. I still have a long journey ahead of me. 

I still have the New Testament waiting.

Thank You for the gift of life.

Thank You for bringing me into this world.

Thank You for allowing me to experience Your creation.

And most of all Lord, thank You for giving me the chance to know You.

I love you with all my heart.

With love, 

Junalie

Thinking About Death

Some nights, death sits beside me.

Not loudly. Not threateningly. Just present. It shows up when the room is dark and the world feels still, when my thoughts slow down enough for truth to catch up with me. I don't invite it, but I don't always push it away anymore.

I used to be afraid of even thinking about death. Now I realize it wasn't death I feared. It was the unknown. The thought of leaving things unfinished. Of people I love standing in places where I once was. Of silence where my voice used to be.

The Bible says: "So teach us to number our days, that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom" -Psalm 90:12 (KJV)

Tonight, that verse feels less like a warning and more like a prayer. Teach me, Lord. Teach me how to live knowing this life is temporary without becoming afraid of it.

There are moments when my faith feels steady, and moments when it feels fragile. I don't always feel brave. Sometimes, I just feel human. And I'm learning that God is not offended by my honesty.

Jesus wept.

Two words. Heavy with meaning.

"Jesus wept." -John 11:35 (KJV)

If He allowed Himself to grieve, then my tears are not failures. They are proof that I love deeply, that I feel deeply. Grief is not a lack of faith, it is faith stretched thin.

I think about death, and strangely, it teaches me how to live. It reminds me to be softer. To let go of anger faster. To stop postponing love as if time is unlimited. Tomorrow is not promised, but grace still is.

"For me to live is Christ, and to die is gain." -Philippians 1:21 (KJV)

I don't fully understand that verse yet. Some days I believe it with confidence. Other days, I whisper it like a question. But tonight, I choose to trust that death is not an ending. It's a crossing.

"I am the resurrection, and the life." -John 11:25 (KJV)

If that is true, and I believe it is, then death is not something to run from. It is something already defeated.

So tonight, I write this not to glorify death, but to make peace with it. To remind myself that while my life is fragile, my hope is not. And when my final breath comes, whenever that may be, I pray it carries trust instead of fear.

Until then, I will live.

I will love.

I will believe.

And I will leave the rest in God's hands.

When I Asked to Walk With God, and the Ground Gave Way

 

One of my prayers every night is this:

"Lord, give me a chance to walk with You. To follow You completely. To walk in the righteous path."

And then, for days, everything unraveled.

Instead of clarity, I was handed struggle after struggle. My patience was stretched until it tore. The deepest core of my emotions was crushed, ground down until I no longer recognized myself. It felt like I was dragged into the lowest pit, a place where light barely reached. Negative thoughts swarmed me, relentless and suffocating, until there came a moment when I didn't want answers anymore. I just wanted to disappear.

I was shaken to my core.

I cried out to God with no polish left in my words. 

"Why am I feeling like this?" 

"Why is all of this happening now, when my faith in You is stronger than ever?"

"I asked for a chance to walk with You, so why does the path like thorns, stones, and rubble cutting into my feet?"

I didn't understand. I still don't understand, at least not fully.

Then came my dream.

I can't remember every detail, only the weight of it. I was standing on the edge of a deep cliff. Beside me stood a man in a long white robe. We were looking down as buildings, massive rocks, cars, entire structures were being swallowed whole, pulled into destruction as if the ground itself had given up. Then everything shifted into chaos.

I wasn't part of it. I was only an observer.

I stood on a rock as floodwaters surged below. In the water lay a young female child; naked, lifeless, her long hair spread around her, placed on a cardboard box like something discarded. And I did nothing. I just stood there, watching. Unable to move. Unable to save. Awake inside the dream, but powerless.

When I woke, I told myself it was just another strange dream. Lately I've been having many.

But later, standing alone in the bathroom, a thought struck me with terrifying clarity:

God is testing me.

Not in comfort, but in descent.

Not by lifting me up but by dragging me down to the lowest point, to see how deep my faith truly goes when there is nothing left to hold onto.

Because I have always said I wanted to follow Him completely.

And following Him was never promised to be easy.

I thought of the story of Job, how faith is not proven in abundance, but in loss. How righteousness is not revealed in safety, but in suffering. Maybe this is only the beginning. Maybe there are still more trials ahead. More stripping. More silence. More moments when God feels impossibly far, even as He is closest.

I don't know if I am strong.

I don't know if I am ready.

All I know is that I asked to walk with Him, and now I am learning that walking with God does not always mean walking on solid ground. Sometimes it means walking through collapse, through grief, through questions with no immediate answers.

And still choosing not to turn back.

When Heaven Felt Near

I really wasn't sure if I was going to open up about what happened to me earlier. I don't even know if you'll believe me. But I can't help myself. I feel compelled to share such beautiful thing that happened to me. 

On my way to work, riding quietly in the car, I put on my earphones and pressed play on a praise and worship song. The familiar melody filled the small space around me. I leaned against the window and closed my eyes, letting the music carry what my words couldn't.

Then it happened.

I had a vision.

I was on top of the water, kneeling. The surface beneath me was calm, steady, defying logic, yet filled with peace.And then slowly, I stood up. And there, before me, was a man. His hair was long, falling near his elbows. I couldn't see His face because He was surrounded by an overwhelming light. Too radiant, too holy to look at directly. All I could see is His arm, extended toward me, as if gently calling me closer, saying without words, "Come to Me." 

And then I woke up.

I opened my eyes, back in the car, back in this world. But something in me had shifted. In that exact moment, the first message that echoed in my mind was this: God hears all my prayers. Not some of them. Not only the spoken ones. But even the silent cries, the whispered doubts, the prayers I could barely form.

My chest felt heavy and light all at once. Tears fell freely without warning. I lifted my eyes toward the sky, not caring who might see.

In that moment, I understood something profound: I was never unheard. I was never unseen. Every tear, every plea, every late-night conversation with God had reached Him. 

Jesus is real.

My God is alive.

He is the way, the truth, and the life.

Some encounters don't ask to be proven or explained. They simply arrive, meet you where you are, and remind you, gently but powerfully, that heaven is closer than we think, and God has been listening all along. 

I am smiling and crying at the same time while writing this right now. My heart still trying to catch up with what my soul already knows.