Emptiness

God, I am still in a long and confusing process of figuring who I am and what I want to do in my life. 

Have you ever felt that kind of feeling?

Like when you are trapped on a corner by itself and and then all of a sudden you started to think things that you should have or should have not do, or considering the what ifs and what if not. 

To tell you honestly, I am so messed up . I always feel this kind of silliness in mind that I'm not complete.  Not literally of course, you know what I mean, like my life isn't complete. Like there is something missing that I do not know. The feeling of eluding all the problems in the world and to be being alone on a country or place that nobody get the idea. 

Problems are only opportunities with thorns and we can't escape the reality that it's part of life!

I have even wondered if I have a very fascinating childhood to live by because I want to linked it in why I don't feel happy today. 

Or is it because I don't have someone like a boyfriend thing by my side?

Who knows?

I know, some would simply question me, is my family not enough Or is God not enough? Or my friends? That's true.  But you will never understand what kind of feeling this is because you haven't felt it the same way like what I am feeling right now. I may sound so selfish but you will never understand.

Though I have met Anton, my best of friend who is very far away and who's from the opposite side of the earth.  The way he understood people makes it a mere likable personality. But you know, he's only human and he has problems on his own and he can't be there, cheer me up as always. (but i love my best friend) and from that scenario, I therefore conclude that understanding is deeper that knowledge. 

There are many people who know you but very few understand you.

And you might think, why am I keep on saying this?

 Is it because I don't love my family? or Friends? Or something bad happen to me here that I cursed this place? Or whatever you think.

The answer is No.

 My family and friends have nothing to do with this. The real problem here is me, myself and I. 

God, I'm still in a long and confusing process of figuring who I am and what I want to do in my life.

There is something missing and I can't figure it out. :(

 I wanna get out of this place and wanna live on my own far away far away. If only I could live in Mars, I would. 

 But i CAN''T and i hate myself for it. 

xoxo

 Please save me from this abyss of emptiness..