Death Note

I have always been warned long before about the dark side manners of these Saudi people. Specifically teenagers. Yes. You're right. I am now stereotyping.

It's not that I didn't believe neither disregard their premonitory but because I was too confident enough that I can handle myself and I was holding onto my old experiences that nothing has ever happened since I came here two years ago. But indeed, I was wrong. I was very very wrong. And they were right. You can never can tell. 

I have never been so horrified in my entire life. The feeling that you're having a sudden severe tachycardia, when all you can feel is that your heartbeat's been dribbling so fast, so fast that you couldn't even ran with it and then suddenly your racing heart just stopped. And when it stopped, so does your body.

I just stood there numb with fear. Holding my dunkin donut hot choco plastic container, I can feel my face burning and my hands were shaking. All I could think that time is that I need something to drive them away from me. So, i took a small stone pretending it was a big one and factitiously threw it towards them. At first, they hesitated to sneak up but when they realized it was a hoax, it drove them more to get closer. I tried to focus what to do so I run along as fast as I could and ignored them. And from that time on, I have realized one important thing. I heard them nearing me and abruptly felt someone was already in. (good thing was I covered myself with my umbrella) One hatchet-faced teenager knocked my umbrella off and I almost fell down by a haymaker. 

I swear I wanted to punch his fucked up face but I was thinking if I do this, it will just trigger everything. I saw one more of them inside, opened the car as if so freakin ready to abduct me. And since they weren't still satisfied of what they did, one of the hatchet-face began saying "abaga sex?! abaga sex?!" and with all the brushing of my hair. 

"Abaga" in the saudi language means like if you want or something if you like. Damn. This is what they've been warning about. The dark secret of these people. I never thought of it. It doesn't matter if your good looking or not, they don't really care even if it's under the middle of the scorching heat of the sun, well how much more with the cold winter days. If the devil really pushed them that far, sure I will never escape. 

After I picked up my umbrella, looking confident that I will strike it off to them, they ran away not so far from me, so I took the chance to dash off as far as I go. I was already one turn away from my building and I felt some relief that there was someone on the lane fixing his bike. He was around on mid 50's and I told him three men were following me. I wasn't really sure he understood my arabic because confusion spread across his face. Maybe when he realized what I was talking about, he followed my gaze and spoke to the three fucked up men on their language. The only word I understood was "Haram". They left without a word (of course) and heard their car madly screeching away from my distance. I never bothered to look. I thanked him for his good deed and rushed my way out til our apartment building came to a view. 

My heart felt at ease when I saw ate Jeddyza (one of my friends and a colleague) outside of the building who seemed to notice me and felt sooo relieved when I finally reached the door. My hands were still shaking like on a 4.7 magnitude. I wanted to cry but it seemed like I was still too unnerved of what just happen. 

I will never ever forget this day and will never ever ignore this experience. That ordeal will forever  be remembered coz it could have been my life's death "note". I could have been abducted, been raped, left my body somewhere far on a deserted place and of course, dead.

I prayed and thank God for the guidance and the protection he bestowed upon me that day. I believed he did. And it wasn't my day yet. Perhaps.

Sure, you will never know when life knocks you down. Even if you're used to being safe walking alone even before, it is NEVER a FACT that you will extricate the endangerment ahead of you.

and of course, those 3 hatchet-faced are already registered on my deepest never forgotten memory. Very soon, they will received their karma.

28.08.17/0927H/Near trial court building, 

Abi Dujanah Street As Salam.

Let it All Out

You're mad? Then get mad! Don't keep it all inside. LET IT ALL OUT!

I always have this bad habit of keeping feelings suppressed and kept locked inside of me. Believe me I was never like this before. Unlike previously, I was the kind of person who makes people pique because of being so blabby and straightforward, enough for them to hate me so much because I was too frank and I say everything what's inside my mind whether it was good or bad. Some would say I am too brutally honest or I have no control or I make things complicated. Everyone was scared to pissed me. But trust me, expletives were never part of it. I kinda missed it sometime though, nonetheless I am totally a different person now. Probably except if I am too stressed or my migraine visits sometimes, i am possessed by the old me. 

Distinctively, I am a crybaby. I became an extremely sensitive person. I didn't know how and why it happened. It just happened. Unlike now, I easily get offended. I exasperate people because of being hypersensitive. I would be very hypocrite if I say don't keep it all inside, let it all out. 

But If you feel like crying, just cry like you've never cried before. If it'll make you feel good, if it'll lighten your heavy wounded heart or if you have carried a way too long resentment, then cry. Just cry your heart out till you cry no more. 

We've all hit that point of exhaustion. The point where nothing makes sense anymore. Your body hurts, your brain becomes foggy, and you feel like you're trapped in a tunnel. When all you want, is to cry. 

But tell me how do you keep going? How do you not just sit down and give up? Sometimes it's easy. Sometimes you play games in your head. You make up someone. Someone good. Whatever you need. To keep you going.

It came to a point that I exploded. All the things being suppressed and kept for a very long time wasn't able to hold me anymore no matter how tight and strangled it was inside of me. It just happened. I just let it all out. I wasn't adept enough to grasp it anymore. I was slipping out. I shocked all the people around me. When I had enough, I was so terrified. That's why, don't. Don't keep it all inside. It is very important that you know this. 

Keeping all things inside won't make you a better you. Be you in a way where you open your heart and mind for a change.  It could be hard for the first time, it really is hard but Im pretty sure you can traverse. Like if you're mad, then get mad. Don't keep it inside. Let it all out.

Tugawe Cove Resort; A Must See Beauty

Don't listen to what they say, go see.

Traveling is always one of the best things you could ever gift yourself at least even before you die. Or maybe at least once a year. I have been searching a lot of places and it wasn't really my idea to go to this place for our yearly vacation but it was my travel partner who discovered it. And my yearly travel was all worth it. 

Tugawe Cove Resort is a hidden heaven paradise located in CamSur (Camarines Sur), Philippines' most prestigious peninsulas.

It is actually an isolated resort in the heart of Caramoan Camarines Sur Island but holds a multitude attractions more than enough to satisfy your tropical fantasy. Though, it is indeed a luxury resort, but I tell you it will be worth it.

For now, I will just let you salivate the amazingly, God's creation. I will just give you my comprehensive itinerary suggestions soon on how to come in here.

So, here it is.

Infinity pool is real na real! <3

Behind us is called the Matukad rock. It was called Matukad because of it's magnificent yet mysterious rock formation that no climbers have ever reached the top and no one knows how and why. 

Ohh, that's my frenemy hiding behind the rock. He said he was too gorgeous to be expose. Hahaha. Kidding aside. Love you Babe! :* 

Thats the matukad bay, a purely white sand beach waiting to be featured. Hahah.

Strolling the bay under the scorching heat of sunny side up! Hehehe.

Welcome to our Hilltop Cabana :) 

Oh Darling, let's be adventurers. 

It doesn't matter where you're going, It's who you have beside you.

Take me somewhere only we know.

Let's get lost together! Hahah! 

 I just want to experience life, enjoy it all, with you by my side. 

My cheeks says it all. Blushed cheeked acquired from sunny side up. :D 

Hahaha No need blush on.

ISN'T IT WONDERFUL?

Stairway to Heaven. <3

I have this crazy little thing called hunting lighthouses all over the world. I was happier knowing Tugawe Cove Resort had a lighthouse trekking. And the journey begins. One lighthouse down. And CHARAN!!!

That thing called no filter needed. Such an amazing beauty. Oh God, every one of a hundred thousand cities around the world had its own special sunset and it was worth coming in here. Thank you Papa Jesus for giving the opportunity to witness such beauty. 

So, that's all for now folks. :) I hope it somehow made your day. Love yah! :*

Lucky Enough

I will love the light for it shows me the way,

 yet I will endure the darkness because it shows me the stars.

Wherever you go, go with all your heart.

He has been the kind of man a woman can ever dreamt of. Stable, kind, complicated, loving, dreamy, sophisticated and at such a very young age, he developed a good sense of humor and acquired the ability of a leader. 

I have known him for a decade now and still, he's the same man who loves to paint, who sings a song wholeheartedly even if he doesn't know the lyrics, who learned to play guitar because he was too competitive enough that he doesn't want the love of his life could play guitar better than him, overly head over heels of his work, passionate, very smart and willing to take the risk for his subordinates. He is a manager now of a very well known clothing brand. 

As years have passed, I witnessed how he bloomed from his style of fashion, from an obsolete style to the birth of the new era. The way he talks about life and love, the way he thinks, the way he handles everything. He was truly such a pride. My love for him could possibly be equal to the love of my family. We've known each other for such a very long time and the possibility that we could end up together was nearly possible. 

But the relationship we had was like my math grades. Fluctuating. Until it became stable, and then lost again and then came back again. Something that I cannot be proud of. Who would want to have a relationship like that? Investing things, feelings, effort and everything knowingly you haven't even met each other, since. Likewise, it wasn't firm enough to stay for a longer relationship. 

Knowing him is such a pride and I think indeed some things are meant to happen, just not meant to be. Some things are meant to come into your life, just not meant to stay. 

Ney, I now believe that everything happens for a reason. You came into my life to prepare me about something that you could also be proud of. I wanted to say I am truly sorry that this has come to an end. You have been my very best friend, the family I had when I was alone, my crying shoulder, my love and my soul mate. God knows how much I love you but I want you to know even if we wont be meeting each other anymore, you imprinted your soul inside of me. And that will stay as long as I live. I will forever understand if you won't be able to understand and in the long run, will hate me forever. 

Go live your life and I'm setting you free from being prisoned for such a long time. You deserved someone better than me. 

And to the lucky woman, you are truly lucky enough to have him. Please love him with all your heart, give him everything he deserves. I know you will. 

Farewell love. Thank you for everything.

Now signing off. 

Advantages and Disadvantages of Having a Sensitive Friend

"Highly sensitive people are too often perceived as weaklings or damaged goods.

 To feel intensely is not a symptom of weakness, 

it is the trademark of the truly alive and compassionate."

- Anthon St Maarten

Have you ever had such a very sensitive friend?

Well I admit, I am a sensitive one.

I tend to take things personally beyond personal as you can imagine because I dunno as well, actually. It's just that maybe that's who I am or maybe something have had happen to me while I was young that made me being such an emotionally vulnerable one.

How do you even describe a sensitive or emotional person? Perhaps in your mind right now, these are the people who cries all the time over some silly things.

Sensitive people are those who respond more to their emotions. But seriously, being emotional isn't really a bad thing. It just means that you feel things they can't.

Having a sensitive friend isn't bad after all. There are some benefits of having one despite how some people say otherwise.

• They are Sensitive to your Feelings or for Other People.
• They know how it feels to be upset or troubled over something. They are very careful of others' feelings. Simply they don't want you to feel badly over things the way that you do. 

• They are Naturally Caring.
• They are more in touch with your feelings and tend to feel things in a bigger way which includes caring about others in your life. It is easy for them to think of others and have fond feelings toward them. In short, they have a BIG heart. 

• They are Intuitive.
• Being intuitive is somewhat a gift. It means they can pick up things without you being said. They have intuitiveness or you don't. It is something you can usually and definitely trust. 

• Creativity Travels with a Sensitive Personality.
• Creativity is something that can show up in many different forms. Since they are sensitive, they are more likely to be creative. 

• They are Never Selfish
• Most sensitive people are unselfish. They care about others because they know how others might be feeling, and that empathy is such a beautiful thing. They can also help you to go a step further and do what they can for others. 

and of course, the

• Tears are a Common thing
• Whether it's because of the ongoing plight of humanity or whatsoever, you're always going to need a box of tissues nearby. Their emotions are so vivid and the feeling seems to be magnified like 100x and oftentimes, you just can't contain them.

• They can be a "People Pleaser"
• Often the thought of criticism or conflict can be sooo unbearable that you'll go to great lengths to avoid it - at the expense of their own needs. And for that reason, it's so damn hard for them to say "NO" to anything. So you need to be there to remind them that its okay to say no.

• They Find it Hard to Make Decisions
• No matter how small or trivial the dilemma might be, they fear that unsettling sensation that comes with realizing they made the wrong decision. 

• They're Easily Affected by the Moods and Energy Around Them
• Bad vibes are palpable. If your friend is having a bad morning, you can be prone to starting your own day off on the wrong foot, too.  If stress levels are through the roof, so are yours. 

• They're Often Misunderstood
• " Don't take things personally!"
• "Why are you so sensitive?" 
• "Youre so shy!" 
• "Get Over it!

Overall, I think being highly sensitive is a trait we can embrace and use to be more creative and aware. But it demands taking care to live strategically, even outside popular values, to avoid overwhelm so we can better nurture our abilities and creative talents.

My Grey's Anatomy Diary

It always comes as a shock, the moment you realized it's over. 

One minute, you're standing on a solid ground. 

The next minute you're not.

-Meredith Grey

To Whom It May Concern, 

Please do not proceed reading this if you think it will just bore you coz perhaps only Grey's Anatomy lovers can understand what I have been saying below. Don't you give me fuckin' harsh comments just because you don't understand what I have been saying. That's the reason why I entitled this "My Grey's Anatomy Diary". Thank you for the respect. Appreciated. 

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I wasn't supposed to be addicted on this drama series but when boredom had strike me one night, I have no television either so I decided to download an app on my phone called StarzPlay Arabia. And there it all started my Grey's Anatomy addiction. (Thanks btw StarzPlay Haha! )

The story of Grey's Anatomy (for those who aren't fan and just relying on this post), it's a medical drama tv series that focuses on the fictional lives of surgical interns, residents and attendings who each struggle to balance their personal lives with the hectic work and training schedules assigned to them. 

The main character was Meredith Grey portrayed by Ellen Pompeo who was the daughter of an esteemed general surgeon named Ellis Grey, following her acceptance into the residency program at the fictional Seattle Grace Hospital (and was later on changed to Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital - long story so just bear with that). 

At first season, it was quite a very interesting story already until It became my habit every night to watch the series even if I was so freakin sleepy or so drained from work. Even in the morning if my eyes were swollen, my workmates would think that my boyfriend and I fought. If only they knew it was Grey's Anatomy's fault. 

There are few episodes on the season that have marked a lot and cannot be forgotten like when "elevator guy" (the surgeon who operated a patient inside the elevator when he has no choice, no proper equipment but still got the courage to do so to save his patient) also known as George O' Malley who secretly in love with Meredith Grey and the surgeon who was nicknamed as 007 (double O 7), a nickname given to surgeons who tend to kill their patients originating from James Bond's code number, which means "license to kill". To make it short, he was the first main character who died for saving a person from a car crashed. He wasn't known at first that he was Dr. O'Malley until Meredith was the one who discovered that he was George. That episode was the most excruciating feeling I have ever felt + with the themed song speaking a dead language by Joy Williams when Dr Bailey questioned the surgeons to whom the organs of George will be given. (George was an organ donor).

Apart from 007's death, season 10's last episode where Cristina Yang (Meredith's person/bestfriend) bids goodbye to Meredith was also one of the most painful and unforgettable episode (ash in LAGUT!!!) my eyes were swollen the whole day, I still have a morning duty the next day and again my workmates' thoughts me and my boyfriend fought again. Haha!!! That episode as well was when my dream couple (Yang and Hunt) didn't end up as I desperately wanted to be. And the part where Cristina and Mer danced as their "finished thing", I just cried more. T____T (My God! I can't stopped crying! Whats wrong with me!) 

The last but not the least, after how many months of keeping an eye on the series, I finally bid goodbye to the 11th season of Grey's. (Unfortunately starzplay arabia was only until the 11th season of Greys because until today, Grey's Anatomy is still airing and they don't have the 12 and 13th season). Anyways, though I have already heard from the series spoiler (Ate Zel) that Derek Shepherd (Meredith's love of her life, Head of Neurosurgery) died on the series, it was KILING me emotionally watching him being crashed after he witnessed and saved a lot of people from the car accident. Huhuhuh!!! In the aftermath, he was the one who died because of the unskilled doctors who treated him. T_T That's the way it has to be I guess. I hope Shonda Rhimes had a very good reason why he took Derek Shepherd away from Meredith Grey.

It was indeed one heck of a long series. I cried like it was the end of the world when Mer loss her consciousness after she promulgated to everyone that her husband died. That time, I was also having a thing with my boyfriend like some sort of love quarrel, lol. It was really very hard watching the episode when you're also facing some difficult times because literally you will explode. Hahah! Sometimes, when you cry about something, you end up crying about everything that's wrong. Soooo many tears happened for that day. Good thing I was 2 days off from work. 

So yeah. Thats my Grey's Anatomy diary. I apologize if you insisted to read the whole thing and you didn't understand any of it. I already told you in the first part of this post. Heheh. 

Looking forward for the next season on StarzPlay. Hahah! If there is. That would be great. :D 

Thanks for reading! Luv yah! :)

Respect Begets Respect

I intentionally enlarged that image above because nowadays, 

people doesn't know how to do that anymore.

Respect begets respect as a saying goes. That means, give respect, take respect.

To whom it may concern, I have literally lost my respect for you below sea level. 

Come on! What the hell happened to you? Just because you're older, you're senior at work, you think you're smarter, doesn't mean you wont respect the person who is younger than you, new to her job and even have lack of experience! You are supposed to lift her up not pull her down. You are supposed to help find her way because she was lost. You are supposed to be her guide because she doesn't know where to start. You both have the same goals. She's not perfect and neither you. 

When I was young even until I grew up, my mom and dad never missed to remind me always and forever to respect someone (especially older than you) even if they don't respect you. Sometimes, it makes me realize that they are wrong. 

On my 27 years living in this sickly sweet world, I have always been a respectful person because thats what I have been trained for. Within those years, I have respected people even they were not of me. Respect is actually mutual. A person cannot act haughty and expect respect from others like duh! "pagsure oy!" 

Now you might think I am hypocrite. Who cares? Everybody is hypocrite. Its just that I am tired of respecting people without even trying to respect you as well. 

Seriously, not everyone deserves respect. Respect is earned not given.

As per Kuttaiah Chendanda,

Respect begets respect means Give respect, take respect.

I totally agree with you on the views about respecting individuals and person.

But don't always expect to be respected as not everybody is confident enough to lower their ego, be humble and talk with respect.

So be the bigger human, greater soul and respect others, the ones who reciprocate are the ones who are of your mindset.

Just because someone else is rude to you, why do you have to lose your natural qualities and be rude. Be yourself.

People tend to be rude due to a few reasons like,

• Rough upbringing

They think that it is normal to be rude

• Defensive

Scared tto open up

• On purpose

To create the image of a ttough personality

So be calm, humble and sweet to everybody. Calm yet strong and steadfast in your word.

And there it is. 

RESPECT BEGETS RESPECT.