Living Life in a Foreign Land

Now I'm here. Finally, the dream that I have been dreaming of for the past 20 years has arrived. To live and work abroad. Different people. Different culture. And definitely, would change the old you. 

Prior to that, the feeling of excitement filled up my nerves when I heard from my agency that I have been chosen to work as a military nurse in Kingdom of Saudi Arabia. Tears of joy, excitement and happiness spread across my face. The thing that I have been praying for finally came true. 

But when the night comes and I count the days before the flight, denial strikes again. "Am I really going and would be living alone? Am I ready for this?" 

Everything has happened to me in an instant. I was even thinking, really? Is this happening for real?

The time has come that I have to embrace the reality that It wasn't all a dream. I will be leaving my home for 2 years.

First few weeks of starting my life in a foreign land has already been a struggle for me. I finally knew what it feels to be in a culture shock. My second week of living intensified more. I cried all night. Like you wanted to shout the hell out of your frustrations, sadness and all the negative vibes but then you have to taken it aback because you're not just alone. You have to be sensitive enough for everyone. So again, you'll end up crying and crying and crying your heart's out the whole freakin'night.

My third week became hell. Frustrations of your self, people around you, people at work. You have to deal with different kinds of people and It's so freakin' hard. The adjustments especially the language barrier. Some people would pressure you to become like them, learn as fast as you could so you can cope as much as possible. How I wish I am as good as them and easy to learn like them. I just came here 2 months ago and still I am struggling so much.

At night, I am thinking, can i make it? I hope I can make it like them. As fast as a lightning.

It's really hard. 

My brother said, "how are you? Just feel yourself okay? If you can still go for it, be strong. We are here, always."

Perhaps, the only thing that keeps me to go on is my family.

A month after, I received different kinds of comments from my colleagues. Some are good but the one thing comment I will never forget is that they said I am not good enough for this work. They said I am too immature to handle things. (Maybe because I easily cry and I can't handle pressure that much.)

Progress is impossible without change.And those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything. And that's life.

Let's see for the next days if there is improvement aside from frustrations.